Hello, toh meri kahani kuch aisi hai…
Main 18 saal ka hoon. Log kehte hain main JEE topper hoon — AIR XX- aur mujhe khush hona chahiye. Kaash main hota. Lekin mujhe lagta hai jaise main dheere-dheere khud mein hi kho raha hoon… kisi aur ke sapne mein jee raha hoon.
Jab main chhota tha, mera best friend ek stray dog thi — Rani. Teen pairon wali, tedhi si poonchh, aur aankhon mein kahaaniyan. Har shaam tuition ke baad main usse roti ka tukda chhupke se deta tha aur kehta tha, “Main ek din vet banunga, tumhare jaise jaanwaron ka ilaaj karunga.”
Yeh sapna mera tha. Na kisi se liya hua, na kisi ka thopa hua.
Lekin sapne har ghar mein poore nahi hote. Kam se kam mere jaise ghar mein toh bilkul nahi.
Mere papa — ek government clerk hain. Unki baatein kam, ghusse or thappad zyada chalte hain. Unka ek hi rule tha: “Marks hi insaan ki aukaat decide karte hain.”
Aur jab bhi main kisi mock test mein 95% se kam lata, mujhe uski keemat chukani padti thi — haathon se, kabhi belt se.
Ek baar Physics mein 68 aaya tha. Unhone gusse mein meri naak tod di. Khoon baha, lekin main roya nahi. Kyunki rona matlab aur maar.
Meri maa — bas kone mein chup rehti thi. Saare scenes ki gawah, lekin kabhi kuch bolti nahi thi. Ek typical housewife — haathon mein saree ka pallu, aankhon mein dar. Unka maanna tha, maa banna matlab chup rehna, bardasht karna.
Main vet banna chahta tha. Ek baar bola tha. Or bas ekbaar hi bol paya.
Papa hans pade. Itna zyada ki haath se steel ki thali gir gayi.
Phir kaha, “Kutte-billi ka ilaaj karega? Janwaron ki latrine saaf karega? Yeh karega zindagi mein? IIT nikal, phir dekhte hain kya karna hai.”
Aur mujhe bulwaya gaya: “Main engineer banna chahta hoon.”
Main dheere se bola. Jaise har shabd se kuchh toot raha ho.
Unhone kaha, aur zor se bolo. Paach baar bulwaya.
Phir shuru hua mera “preparation phase.”
Mera room ban gaya ek jail. Har din ke mock tests — torture.
Roz 14 ghante ki padhai, sirf ek emotion ke saath — dar.
Ceiling pe formulae chipka diye, bathroom ke mirror pe equations.
Rani gate ke bahar aakar wait karti thi. Main bas ek jhalak dekh pata tha. Ek din woh aani band ho gayi. Papa ne kuch nahi bola, par mujhe lagta hai kisi se bhaga diya usse.
Jab result aaya, sab log khush ho gaye.
Cousins jinko main jaanta bhi nahi tha, phone pe bole, “Proud of you, bro!”
Papa muskuraaye — mujh par nahi, rank par.
Maa ne mithai banayi, aur bola, “Tumne papa ka sar uncha kar diya.”
Lekin main… khali tha.
Andar se shant, bilkul suna. Na relief, na khushi.
Bas ek aisa khaufnaak khaali-pan, jaise maine apna sapna jala diya ho kisi aur ka raasta roshan karne ke liye.
Main IIT Bombay aa gaya — Computer Science.
Yehi toh “gold medal” hai Indian parents ke sapne ka.
Lekin roz subah jab dorm mein aankh khulti hai, ceiling ko dekhta hoon aur sochta hoon — “Kaash main ladta… kaash main bhaag jaata… kaash Rani ko bacha pata…”
Yahan mere aas-paas ke students passionate hain — code, AI, robotics… aur main? Main chipke hue parrots ke pair dekhkar sochta hoon — uska ilaaj kaise hota hoga?
Papa abhi bhi call karte hain.
“9 pointer maintain kar warna wapas le jaaunga. Paisa kisne diya yaad rakh.”
Main kuch nahi bolta. Unka tareeka hai baatein aise ghumane ka, ki tum hi galat mehsoos karne lago.
Kabhi-kabhi main campus ke stray dogs ko dekhkar rukta hoon.
Patle, bhookhe, par aankhon mein wo same pyar.
Main biscuit le jaata hoon bag mein unke liye. Unse baatein karta hoon dheere se, jaise woh samajh lete hain main kaun hoon.
Ek hai — Chotu. Woh bhi thoda langda hai, jaise Rani thi.
Raat ko jab roommate so jata hai, main illegally download kiye gaye veterinary ke textbooks padhta hoon.
Un pages ke upar aansuon ke daag pad jaate hain — ab main unhe pochta bhi nahi.
Ab main do syllabus padhta hoon — ek degree ke liye, aur ek apne sapne ke liye.
Log kehte hain — “Tune kar dikhaya.”
Lekin sach yeh hai — main kahin peeche chhoot gaya hoon.
Shayad ek din, jab himmat jamaa kar paunga, IIT chhod doonga.
Shayad kisi choti si vet clinic ke gate pe jaakar kahunga,
“Mujhe seekhna hai… mujhse ho payega?”
Aur shayad… koi mujhe dekhega — rank ya disappointment ke bina,
bas ek ladka, jise jaanwar sacchi mohabbat lagte hain.
Yeh meri kahani thi.
Aur main abhi bhi us ending ke liye jee raha hoon…
jahan main azaad hoon.